When Brad tells me I have to post, I know it's been too long. Okay- he didn't TELL me to post; he ENCOURAGED me because he knows that you're all curious to know how my new job is going.
Um. I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I guess I'll go with the general, broad-stroked description: I'm confused, discouraged, overwhelmed and fresh out of ideas. And it hasn't even been two weeks yet. Oh- and I have a sore throat. Sounds about normal for me with anything new. Except for the sore throat thing- that doesn't always happen when I get a new job. So, I'm fairly majorly stressed out; it's pretty much all I think about from the moment I wake up til I go to bed. And I've been eating too much Easter candy. And I've reduced myself to SUPER SIMPLE meals all this week...like tonight we're having tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches. I just can't cook when I'm stressed out. I'm just waiting for something else to go wrong and I'll scream and bring home fast food every night.
The good news is: my pupil laughs at my silly voices ( most notably my Lambchops voice and my English accent.) And he laughed when I brought in my guitar one day and made up a silly song about one of his therapists. ( May she never hear it. Actually- it's pretty harmless so it wouldn't be terrible if she DID hear it...) So those are two things I have going for me. He's a really good kid; we're still getting used to each other, and I know I have a lot to learn about how to motivate him better. I have a lot to learn PERIOD. About All Kinds of Things. I think the word is daunting.
I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But it's one thing to say that to yourself at the interview, and another thing entirely to live the uneasiness for the first few months. Not knowing when the uneasiness wears off to routineness. (Too much nesses, I know.) But I want this to work. I want to help. I'm not giving up. It's too soon to give up. Give me six more months to drive myself into the ground as a total failure and THEN I'll give up. ( I have confidence in sunshiiiiiine, I have confidence in raaaaaaaain, I have confidence that spring will come again - oh yes, it's here- besides which, you see, I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN.... me?) Right now, it's just one infinitesimal, creeping step at a time.
And okay- do we have any doctors in the house? Is it normal that I can HEAR my pulse? I mean- it's like these little quiet whooshes of air in my ears when I'm sitting still and being quiet.... like right now when I'm typing...Does this mean I have a problem? Fritha? Someone who wants to do research?