I just returned from a meeting of the local chapter of La Leche League. I've been once before, but that was back when Aiden was only a few weeks old. There were more people there this time, and the circle of mothers was surrounded by a screaming vortex of children...so I got a chance to practice my lip-reading skills as the mothers discussed such issues as weaning and solid foods. ( It's amazing how much I COULD lip read!) I learned a lot and was grateful that I went but I thought on the way home how thankful I was for the leaders' opening little spiel about taking what works for you and not feeling pressured by anyone else's opinion. Because I did feel a little... um... I don't even know what the word is for this feeling. Ignorant? Put off? Stupid? Lemming-like? Mainstream? Like my insecure neuroses were expanding like yeast being fed with sugar?
For instance, some people were talking about why you shouldn't feed your baby cereal. And we're not talking Cheerios or whatever. They meant like basic stuff - rice cereal, oatmeal etc. It was interesting hearing their theories and ideas and not everyone gave off this vibe of " if you don't do this, you are a bad mother, brainwashed by our culture of convenience." It just made me think: I love learning but I don't love feeling ignorant. When you think about it, they're inevitably linked - learning eradicates ignorance, but some people have a gift of teaching without making others aware of their ignorance. And some people's way of imparting wisdom leaves you staring at the void of ignorance in yourself. Weird. ( And that makes me think, "Which am I?" )
How can I say this better? Learning should be a positive thing: Cool! I just learned something new! I can't wait to do this new thing. I want to research more about it. It shouldn't be a negative thing- Hey- why didn't I know that before - it seems like such an obvious basic to that person- oh, I feel bad because I've been doing this and that wrong...I probably harmed Aiden's digestive system by feeding him that... The Holy Spirit's way is the first way - the excitement of learning. The devil's way is the second way - CONDEMNATION!
Maybe it's partly a pride issue. I know that humility is essential to being a healthy Christian - a healthy PERSON for that matter- but there is a line - somewhere - between humility (a teachable spirit) and feeling DUMB. "There is now no dumb-demnation..."
I'm torn; I want to go back to this group because both times I have gone, I've learned valuable things but A.) the horde of wild children was almost enough to make me institute mandatory quiet story time - led by me - but then I wouldn't be able to learn anything and B.) I have enough insecurities that I come up with on my own to conquer thankyouverymuch.
I'll probably go back. But maybe not next month.