Saturday, May 21, 2005

Bittersweet

Brad and I were in Blockbuster for the first time in a long time and as we were checking out, we were trying to figure out whose name was on the account. It wasn't his and it wasn't mine. Hmmm. Then we realized it was in my maiden name. As the clerk was updating the information, he asked if we still wanted Andrew Murray on our account. I was sort of shocked for a second, and just sort of murmured no...and then Brad told the clerk who Andrew was and why he didn't need to be on the account...and then Brad and I both started laughing a little bit. I said, " If he does come in to use our account, let us know, okay?" I think the clerk was a little weirded out. It was so bizarre...and sad...and sweet at the same time. Sweet because I am aware with the changing seasons that the world has seemed to forget Andrew; he has dropped out of the "system" and to even have a video store clerk mention his name was like the world hadn't forgotten him, in a strange way. I know it doesn't make sense but it felt like a validation of his existence. He's not just a concept or an idea; he's a person who just doesn't live here anymore. I'm sad that I said no; I wish I had just left his name on the account. But I'm so glad Brad was there to laugh with me; I don't know if I would have laughed if he hadn't been there. But thankfully, his presence helped me to see the humor in the situation...and it made me really wish I could tell Andrew about it. Someday I will.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

We miss you, Andrew.

ljmax said...

So good Claire.

KW said...

Andrew would have loved what you said about him coming in...he would have wanted you to be able to laugh. We love you Andrew....

pennyjean said...

Thank you, Claire, for sharing that. I love you both.

DJ said...

truly bittersweet, but the sweet was in there...

Stephanie said...

we all miss andrew!

Anonymous said...

we will all see Andrew some day. And when we do, life'll be a whole lot better.

carmelo said...

Wow that was awesome...in one short blurb I felt sad and laughed and was amazed by it all...I mean it was vividly poignant(sp?)and really showed the strength of your relationship with each other...I could babble on...but will end it with WOW...