Not Yet

I have arrived at the stage where I'm done working, I'm running out of things to do, people have started looking at me like I'm some sort of freak of nature ( which is kind of nice in the grocery store because they get out of my way like I'm carrying the plague or something), and other people have started calling me to check in on me, which I think is very sweet but I'm sorry to disappoint them with the news that nothing has happened yet. I was a little disappointed myself that he wasn't born yesterday because the 14th was Grandpa M's birthday and I thought that would be nice for him to share that august relatives' natal number. I am trying to stay peaceful and surrendered to the fact that God's timing is perfect and I can't hurry Mother Nature...and that if he is born on Christmas Eve, it won't be the end of the world. I know I shouldn't be so impatient. After all, I still have another week til my due date. I've just been sending "EARLY! EARLY!" vibes for so long that a big part of me is expecting him ANY MINUTE NOW.

Have you ever known that something really big was about to happen - like you had prior knowledge of a fire drill, or you knew someone was going to jump out from behind your door and yell BOO, or you found out about a surprise party for yourself and you were about to step into a room and people were going to yell "SURPRISE!", or you were watching "Signs" and you knew the alien's hand was going to shoot out from underneath the door and Mel Gibson was going to cut off his fingers and the alien was going to make an unearthly shrieking sound ... and you KNEW these things were coming, and you steeled yourself for them anyway... because when they actually DID happen, you still got this spine-tingling jolt like being struck by lightning. That's what I feel like right now.

I'm bracing myself for the shock.

I'm sitting at the red light trying to guess when it's going to change because when it turns green, the pedal is going to automatically go to the metal and I'm going to burn rubber. I'm floating along in my hot air balloon, waiting to be shot out of the sky. I'm sitting at the bottom of that ride at Six Flags where they shoot you straight up in the air like 200 feet in 2 seconds, waiting for someone, somewhere to flip the switch that will send my stomach and me in different directions. Can you imagine the awful suspense of being strapped into that ride, and waiting for DAYS ON END...knowing that at any second, you could go barreling off into the stratosphere? This is how I feel.

I know that pretty soon, I'm going to start feeling contractions, or my water's going to break...but I don't know if it's a matter of minutes, hours, days, or weeks... and it's driving me cah-razy. This is an event that I have looked forward to - in joy and in dread- for the better part of my life, and I have no control over it. I wish I COULD control it - it would be quite handy in so many situations. I sat in a waiting room for about an hour and a half yesterday, waiting for my car's oil to be changed, and the tires to be rotated. It would have been nice to be able to jump up and say, " Okay, boys, you gotta wrap this up- my water just broke!" Or if you are standing in a long line at the bank and there are ten people ahead of you, I bet they would let you go to the front if your water magically broke. Or somebody corners you in the grocery store and starts up a storm of inane chatter... "Whoa!" "Well, I'll see ya! Gotta run!" The ultimate excuse to flee any scene.

Sigh. Never fear. I will keep you posted.