Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Don't Blame it On Omar...

The other day I turned on my cellphone to find three messages. The first one was from an individual named Mattie who was requesting that Omar call her back and give her "The Code."

I thought this was a bit odd because A) I don't know anyone named Mattie and 2) My name is not Omar. And this business about a "Code" struck me as suspicious in the extreme. Had I inadvertently stumbled upon some sort of mafia deal? A top-secret government operation? A terrorist plot? Were "Mattie" and "Omar" clever pseudonyms?

I moved on to the next message, which turned out to be a virtual carbon copy of the first, except that A) I detected a hint of rising irritation in Mattie's voice as she asked for a second time that Omar please call her back and 2) a new bit of information was divulged....There was a driver who needed the code. The plot thickens! A driver is involved! What is afoot here? A heist, involving jewels of inestimable value? A kidnapping?

At this point, in spite of my Hardy boy paranoia, I began to feel a little sorry for this Omar fellow. Mattie was getting dangerously exasperated with him, and it wasn't even his fault. His messages were getting hung up in MY voicemail. I was a little defensive for the poor guy. I took down Mattie's number...eager to straighten out the situation...and moved on to Message Number Three...

...which, not surprisingly, was another urgent communique from Mattie. Apparently, the driver had left... without "The Code." She spoke tersely, a quiet tone of desperation tinging her words. I could only imagine what intricate sequence of events might be hanging in the balance, ready to be hopelessly fouled up, should "The Code" not be forthcoming. She urged him again to call her...

I called her number...and the woman who answered said Mattie wasn't there right then. I had reached some "trucking" company. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. Nice little cover story. I explained the situation, and hopefully Omar is now vindicated.

I sincerely trust that I have not just aided some villains of the deepest dye in the committing of some heinous deed.

17 comments:

Avalanche Cowpoke said...

Sounds like you'd be better off a-livin' away out in the puckerbrush somewheres where they ain't got no telephones... ...who knows just what you've gone and got yerself tangled up with---pro'bly some weird Hinternational Intriguement thet'll keep ya' in a state of dizziness fo' years to come... ...maybe there's hope fer ya'---just set yerself down and listen to the wind rustle through the sagebrush---it brings peace to the troubled of soul... 8~)

Avalanche Cowpoke said...

Hmmm... ...come ta think on it---I used to work with a feller named Omar...

ljmax said...

Good night! Sounds like the case of the missing chums!

karena said...

Make your move, you little Chloe...and while you're at it, give Jack a call..oh yeah..just remembered you don't watch 24.

DJ said...

Hahahaa. Well, when something catastrophic happens in the next month, I am personally telling Keith on you! and then the fbi will be ALL OVER you like a pincushion. Enjoy your days of freedom, they are limited!!! :-)

Claire said...

Actually, KK, I have watched 24...

Shari said...

Bahahaha! That was great. You almost made me spit out my orange juice. LOL!

John L said...

You blew a golden opportunity! You should have called the number and left a message for Mattie: "I have Omar and the code. If you want the code back, and Omar alive, you will leave one hundred thousand dollars in unmarked $20 bills in a paper grocery sack behind the public library. No Police! ...." Of course you'd have to add "just kidding" or you'd probably get in some kind of trouble. (some people have no sense of humor)

melbrown said...

This is the kind of thing that only happens to you guys. Who ELSE would get a mysterious call for someone named OMAR? Lucky blog fodder if ever there was some! (I say that now...we all lose when you're dozing with the fishes)

Claire said...

Yeah, what's the deal with us and weird voicemails? Do you remember last year when Brad got that long, cryptic voicemail for Russ? ( See the archives from last June or something like that)

Loren said...

i totally laughed out loud. excellent, really. i agree with john. that would've been fabulous.
my roommate and i got several a while back that we saved on our answering machine so that whenever we had bad days, we'd just play them and crack up.
one time this british chap named bertram called for mary, and was like, are we still meeting on that thing you walk on (umm...the street? the sidewalk? those were our guesses). unfortunately, we'll never know if they met up.
what i don't ever understand about those messages is that usually the voicemail says the name of the person with whom you're leaving a message (claire in your case, ours said 'hey, you've reached andrea and loren') what part of that sounds anything like 'omar' or 'mary'? although one time at Starbuck's, after they asked my roommate's name (and she told the cashier 'andrea,' the barista calls out 'mary'...it was her drink; i one time said, 'loren' and the barista calls out 'judy'...so close, really).
apologies for the long diatribe.

ljmax said...

EXACTLY, Loren--I agree...our answering machine says--'you have reached the home of Keith and Liane M----, please leave a message' and we've gotten weird and complex instructions for other people as well..."Hi, Mrs. Smith, we are waiting outside in the school bus, is Freddy coming to school today or not?"--(2 days in a row) Seriously! (can't remember the names) but, don't people listen to the machine first??

Claire said...

And then, if you're like me, you start thinking, " Did Freddy ever make it to school?? Is there something wrong? Is he sick? Was there an emergency?" And you never know...and you make up all kinds of possible scenarios...and it torments you...

karena said...

Loren..that was funny about the 'British chap'. I knew exactly what he meant, because they call sidewalks here-
the 'pavement'...(I live in England)

Marie said...

hey what type of nationality is the name Omar...hmmm, it's not really pc to racially profile someone... but Mattie's not really a middle eastern name...isn't omar? I'm not sure:) Maybe you stumbled across some crazy terrorist plot... you never know what's going on... you know how crazy wacked out things seem to always happen to Harrison FOrd, maybe it's like that and they're testing you to see what you'll do, and maybe they'll like what you do and call you and secretly bring you into some sort of secret org. of spies or something:) anyways... that's a weird voice mail to get...
take care...I like being random;)

Claire said...

Yessss! Me and Harrison Ford- birds of a feather!

Amy said...

A few years ago, a girl called my phone asking for some guy. I told her that I was sorry, but she had the wrong number. She proceeded to tell me that she did *not* have the wrong number, that she knew he was there, and that I needed to put him on the &#@%* @#*!$%@# phone. I told her again (and again) that I didn't know him, but she wouldn't believe me. She actually started crying. Evidently they had a child together and he was something less than an ideal father. I eventually just hung up the phone because there was nothing else I could do. I did wish I could have tracked him down myself though. I'm glad you could call her back and explain the situation! :)