Sunday, June 19, 2005

The Bee's Knees

We have some half-witted bees living outside our apartment. (This is Brad, by the way.) Actually, I don't know if they are bees, wasps, or hornets (Isaac, would you like to explain the difference to the rest of the class?). A group of these winged menaces have decided to build their summer home in our doorway, inches above our heads. They could have built it anywhere, but instead chose the one place that will ensure its demise. A few feet to the left or right would have been fine with me. I am tempted to leave it alone because it is fascinating to watch, but every day it grows. I know my wife well enough to guess that she will voice concern if she happens to forget to duck and finds a swarm of homeless bees burrowing into her hair.


Here is a picture of their burgeoning hive. It is not long for this world.


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To my knowledge I have never been stung by a bee, unless it was when I was a baby (Mother?). I have had a few narrow scrapes, though. In second grade during class I was startled to discover a hapless bee caught between my watch band and my wrist. I tried to get the attention of my teacher Miss Godshall (yes, her real name), but my fearful whimpers went unheard. I carefully worked it free and it flew away. Maybe I missed my calling as a “bee whisperer” - soothing troubled bugs that no other can tame.


Then there was the time I was working for Sandford Surveying. Earl and I were in the woods one day and he was lurking in the underbrush elsewhere as I was clearing some branches. I swung my brush axe to lop off an obstructing limb from a dead tree, and a posse of angry bees began to pursue me. I fled. I felt something in my hair and thoughtlessly swung at it with my brush axe. A brush axe has a blade that is protected on one side by a stout bracket, and this bracket is what smacked me on top of the head. This is fortunate, because the other side would have scalped me. I had a sore head, but had not been stung. Even better, Earl didn't see this happen.


Note: observant readers will have noticed that I have not posted in some time. This is due mostly to Claire and her blogging prowess. What more can I say said than to you she hath said?

15 comments:

Claire said...

Brad did not check with me for my approval of this picture. Yes, I look demented, I know. No need to tell me.

Shortly after this picture was taken, a resident of this loathsome hive came winging its way homeward. I have rarely seen Brad move so fast to get inside and close the door.

Mrs. RF said...

I do not remember any bee stings, but somehow I think you must have been stung as a child, but you couldn't prove it by me. Sorry! I should have started blogging years ago,then I could go back and check the records....

How do you plan to get rid of that loathsome thing???? Just do it before my next visit!!1

Brad said...

Um, Claire, I didn't move that fast. I just calmly closed the door. Methinks thou dost exaggerate too much.

Mom, maybe you could come over and take care of it.

I wonder if I can pull it off and superglue it a few feet away… hmmm.

DJ said...

I recommend hitting it with a rake and then being prepared to run really really fast. Get Dave hansen to do it, since he is training to break the mile record at the F.C. this year...

Isaac Demme said...

I'm afraid I never gave bees, wasps, or hornets enough attention to learn much about them.
Afraid is definitely the word (stinging insects are my one great phobia), but I do believe they are all in the order Hymenoptera (yup, a quick trip to http://bugguide.net/node/view/198/tree reveals the sordid truth about this band of evil critters)

JBT2 said...

brad, if you have never been stung you should be twice as afraid as any normal person. you never know what kind of reaction you might have. I wouldn't be doing the calm door closing thing if I were you.

fauxturtle said...

It is very big, do take care, I forget the size, but at some point profesionals need to take care of the wasp hives. We had a few wasps years back try to build a house over our back door and I wish I remembered the size limit I found, but the main thing is once it is big enough for a few to move in, it's dangerous to remove.

Brad said...

Thanks for the concern, folks, but the deed is done. I escaped unscathed once again.

Mrs. RF said...

Just exactly what did you do??? Don't we get a detalied report??? My mother heart is thankful though that you escaped unscathed once again.

DJ said...

We want the bloody, gory details! Spare no expense! Dolby Digital DTS5.1 surround to boot...

Brad said...

There was a shovel in my hand, a spring in my step, and much wrathful buzzing (not from me). It was over in a moment. Schadenfreude (a delicious German word) filled my spirit as I gazed upon the wrecked home of my foe. A single foe. Only one wasp was home at the time. What a disappointment. Nar.

Mrs. RF said...

Thanks for the details! Should have videotaped it! Only one foe though! Sigh. But, you perservered!

DJ said...

movies these days, highly over-rated! I want my money back...

DJ said...

And PorkChops Rule!! Forever...

KW said...

Hi Brad,

I love the last line..."what more can I say..."
Wow, almost a record for the amount of comments
under this one..!