Friday, June 17, 2005

Claire the Cringing Conqueror

I usually pride myself on being so observant. One has to be, to get through our yard unscathed by animal offerings. ( Offerings made by animals, not of animals.) Imagine my horror and disbelief when I discovered that I had come home, straightened up the apartment ( which included washing some leftover/straggler dishes - not much silverware these days, I'm doing better on that count), made dinner, eaten dinner, cleaned up after dinner, and was sweeping the floor...ALL BEFORE NOTICING...the dead mouse on my kitchen floor. I almost dropped my broom as I sprang into the living room with a shriek of dismay ( followed by many a groan and murmur until Brad's Pest Removal Service came to the rescue).

We had problems with mice over the winter and Brad duly set out a small raft of mousetraps. We caught a few and it seemed our problems were over...but we have kept them around just in case...still loaded for bear. I mean, mice. Most of the traps have accumulated in one sorry part of the kitchen floor, and the peanut butter therein must have turned decidedly rancid by now. I was thinking of these traps recently, wondering what good they could possibly do- all three in a row, with highly undesirable foodstuffs...I considered removing them for good, because I was pretty sure our problems were over...and that they wouldn't really be effective with ancient peanut butter even if there was a problem. But there is the rest of the house to keep up with, including silverware to wash, not to mention working at the Shelter...and with one thing and another, I never got around to it. In other words, the thorns, which equal the duties and cares of life, crept in and choked my good intentions to deal with the mousetraps.

Plus, dealing with nasty old mousetraps is something that the longer you put it off, the more you really don't want to do it. It becomes this quiet conflict between you and the peanut buttery mousetraps. You purpose to ignore them, resolutely averting your gaze from that part of the kitchen...nurturing a vague hope that somehow, someday, they will just go away on their own. In short, it becomes a chore that you mean to ask your husband to do, but you keep forgetting.
( Brad wants me to insert some comment here to the effect that I have never dealt with mousetraps and probably never will and that I am unduly taking credit for mousetrap maintenance. No, I didn't mean to do that. I hope I never SHALL HAVE TO. Even springing an empty one would probably cause me to jump and scream...which is why I have never done so.)

But I guess the older and moldier the bait, the more desirable! It lured this one out of hiding, anyway. It was probably a responsible, female mouse who had had enough of my bad housekeeping and determined to clean up the old peanut buttery traps herself...even if it cost her life...which it did. HA! I WON THE BATTLE! I waited her out! Procrastination has its virtues.

7 comments:

DJ said...

My goodness, I take it Bradley has been playing around with the banner up top again? That boy needs to settle down and take some responsibility. Life is a serious, greyblah, nonfunny thing to march thru. Not something you frolic thru and have fun with.

As for your post, does Brad's Pest Removal Service do side work? Cause I know of this pest who just made an awful play on words on his blog, and something really needs to be done about him. I figured, if BPRS can get rid of mice, why not younger brothers? Let me know when a good time for extermination is...

maldrich said...

me thinks that Brad's Pest Removal Service sounds like a promising career for other locations as well. You could be rich...perhaps he should look into it.

Me said...

Yeah, Brad, I have that rat in my ceiling that somebody needs to deal with. I see a bright, promising future for you in this arena...

pennyjean said...

Monarch! You owe me a dollar, Brad!

kate said...

lovely Claire! I feel in good company- dead mice and nasty cockroaches. Maybe Brad's Pest Removal can start an overseas branch. I'd hire him.

Anonymous said...

Brad's Pest Removal?? I seem to remember a time when Brad planted a dead mouse in the night lunch box. Remember that little moment in your Bible School career? Perhaps Brad's Pest Planting Service might be a little more appropriate! :o)

Lisa

PS Okay, perhaps you have turned over a new leaf, and I should not be bringing up all the sins that have been cast into the sea. If you want to keep removing pests, then more power to you! Far be it from me to discourage such gentlemanly virtues. :o)

Brad said...

I had forgotten about that mouse in the night lunch box. I was terribly disappointed that it didn't get a better reaction. As I recall Amy L. found the rodent and calmly disposed of it.

As far as my Pest Removal Service, my purview extends only as far as the borders of my house. I am not a mercenary. I have no quarrel with the pests outside my home, but when any beasts come near my wife they will be dispatched by my carefully placed snares. And when Claire shrieks and dissolves on the couch with weeping and whimpers, I shall faithfully carry off the twitching carcass (laughing all the way).