Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Why you shouldn't tell me anything you don't want Brad to hear

Recently, I obtained some information which I desired to keep secret from my husband...simply because I thought it would irk him to know this little thing. It was nothing, really. Nothing he needed to know about. In general, I try to shield Brad from all unnecessary annoyance; I provide quite enough annoyances and I don't need any third parties horning in on my monopoly of that department.

The problem was that he overheard something that clued him that something might be rotten in Denmark. So he immediately asked me what was up. I refused to tell him and thus ensued a great and hilarious battle as we sat at the dinner table. ( No- it was not a food fight.)

You have to understand that this bit of power, magnified by his curiosity, went straight to my head. Usually, with matters like this, it is the other way around. Brad will tell me that he got an email from someone and hints that some hugely important or exciting thing is involved but won't tell me what it is about...or he tries to dangle some rumor of news or half told tale in front of me to drive me crazy...and he succeeds. These situations usually follow a preordained procedure: I pretend that I don't want to know. Don't care about knowing. Couldn't be bothered. And then in about 14 seconds, I break under the pressure and demand that he, "Tell me NOW." And then he says, " I was just about to tell you, but you just forfeited your opportunity by demanding..." And then he'll tell me eventually what it's all about and it's really nothing at all. Well, now the shoe's on the other hoof, my dear!

But the problem is, I am no good at standing my ground. ( I fear that I am going to fail hideously as a mother.) ( No, I am not expecting.) It took him all of about ten minutes to bargain with me in order to extricate the offending information. But I figure I got a pretty good deal. In exchange for me divulging this information, he had to take me out to icecream AND I got the right to clean out his ears anytime I want for one whole year. And the crowning touch- he wasn't even annoyed at the information. So I got ALL that...and his annoyance tank wasn't even diminished a tad. Woo hoo! ( Brad wants me to explain my obsessive/compulsive need to clean his ears - but I don't want to explain. He wants to make it clear that he has perfectly clean ears.)

14 comments:

pennyjean said...

Now, the next time Brad complains about you cleaning out his ears, you can remind him of this public and binding record that he owes you a free year!

ljmax said...

Just for the record--ear wax obsession is not a familial trait!

Brad said...

Nar.

masked maniac said...

Cute.

maldrich said...

no need to explain your fettish, and being a Mom and allowed to do kids ears is GREAT- they usually have some nice specimens!

ahappygirl said...

you say you didn't hold your ground very well, but it sounds like you got quite the good end of the bargain there, claira

Brad said...

Truth is, (Claire, stop reading) I don't really mind having my ears cleaned out. In fact, it is very convenient to hand over that chore to someone else. And who doesn't want to go out for ice cream?
So I think careful observers will note that I played my cards very craftily. Free ear cleanings for a whole year - and some ice cream! Yes, I win!

ljmax said...

...as long as the ear cleanings and ice cream are in no way combined.

pennyjean said...

Yes. And as long as the ear cleanings are not done in front of me.

Kristi said...

Your obsession for ear-cleaning is quite incomprehensible to me, Claire! Nasty! But as long as Brad is appreciative and the job needs to be done...well, I guess you're just being a good little wife. :-)

Laughter said...

*Pats Claire on the back* You are a better woman than I... to clean out someone else's ears? Ugh.

DJ said...

I have to agree with the others. I think Brad came out the winner on that one. However, since Claire feels like she was the winner, and it was worth it to her, how can we say she wasn't? Oi, the metaphysical games in the married life...

TripleNine said...

Got to agree with laughter on this one (the ugh part that is). I shudder at the thought of doing or recieving.

masked maniac said...

Oh, btw people, Laughter is myself. Just in case you hadn't already figured that out. :-D